Baby School

The working title of the class was "Just enough to make you realize you know absolutely nothing; but not enough to make sure you know anything," but I think the editorial staff took a different view on the message it wanted to convey. Childbirth and Parenting Prep was the name of the 8-hour session Emily and I attended on Saturday.

Abbott Northwestern hospital, where Emily will be delivering the little critter we have grown to call "Brucy" (don't ask why, but we don't mean to insult anyone named Bruce) was the gracious host of this little seminar. It was complete with a knitted uterus giving birth to a scrawny, under-developed doll baby, as you'd expect. (A knitted uterus is, of course, a - well - knitted uterus, made with yarn and sculpted into a giant pink sock monkey). We learned terms like birthing ball, episiotomy, and McDonald's. The first is much like an exercise ball which can be used to help alleviate some of the pains from contractions as well as allow the mother to move around comfortably to allow the baby to better get into position. The second need not be described here in detail, but is a procedure to allow the baby easier access to the world into which we are trying to introduce him (or her). The third, I am told, is a place in Abbott the husband has fewer than 12 contractions to visit if necessary (and only if necessary).

Many videos were shown and some questions asked but the most interesting time of the day was when we practiced the breathing and positions. And, yes, I mean the full intended meaning of we and not the editorial or proverbial we. After Emily got to practice different positions and different breathing techniques, and I practiced providing the moral support, it was my turn to practice the positions and breathing techniques. No fake pregnancy suits or anything like that, so it was really more like a light yoga exercise.